A Closer Look At Who I Am, Minus All The Sarcasm
Trying to explain yourself to people you don’t know can be tricky. Trying to explain yourself to people you do know can be even trickier.
When I found my love for the written word, I felt like a part of me was freed. I’ve never been one to shy away from conversations or performances (my love of dance and public speaking could clue you into that), but those acts always felt like just that: performances.
I know how to time my jokes, how to inflect my voice, how to deliver a punchline and a smirk to win over a crowd of either close friends or strangers. I love doing it. The rush of the laughs, the melting of the social awkwardness, the camaraderie that follows with a group chortle — I eat that shit up.
The thing is, it doesn’t matter who I’m with. Most of the time, with very few personal exceptions, I feel like I have to be “on” to be loved. Or respected. Or worthy of space. I’ve felt that way for an exhaustingly long time. I still feel that way more often than I care to admit.
But writing? Writing has given me the ability to carve out a space for myself. A place where I don’t need to necessarily be this or that to be worthy. That’s why I love writing about so many topics. That’s why, as much as I’ve tried, I truly can’t typecast what I create. And moving forward? I ask of you not to expect that.
As much as I want to, as much as I know it would be easier, as much as I know my bullshit brand depends on it, I can not deliver one type of prose, one type of piece, one type of person.
Because I love writing about love. And sex. And graphic sex. And mental illness. And pain and joy and heartache and longing and moments that make me laugh and snarky observations that let my bitchy self be heard and even those pieces I start with no planned finish. The pieces I write for me. To help find my way. To help sooth my soul.
Whether you’re new to my writing or have been around for awhile, wherever this journey may go, I just ask one thing of you: Don’t expect me or my art to be one type of way because I can absolutely assure you, in that sense, I will be your greatest disappointment.